So drunk, too bad you don't want this
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
