someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
