He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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