I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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