Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
