Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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