Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
