if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
