In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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