I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
