okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
