She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
