I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
