Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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