I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
pop tarts are not kleenex
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
