There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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