I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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