even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
