New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
