i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
