when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize