just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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