You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
