yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
