I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
