If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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