yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
