and you said cock pushups were impossible
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
