he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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