I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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