i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
