I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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