I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
