the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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