she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
