So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
