dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
