i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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