it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We named our party play list daddy issues
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
