My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
