whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
