Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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