This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
