I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
