When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
