id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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