i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize