I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
