When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
