I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
