im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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