Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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