dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
