I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
