I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I need to calm my uterus...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
