Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i will never coherently bang her
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
