Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
