I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
