standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
