How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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