His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
