just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
