True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
